Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
