Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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