Just cropdusted the office
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
