I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
