I wish I could punch you in the face.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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