We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
