Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
