whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
