Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
