$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize