You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
