i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
