Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
