Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Bring me that man meat
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
