flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
