Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
