Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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