Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
