he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
