Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
