so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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