Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize