He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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