Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
