At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
