Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
