i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
