My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize