Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
