it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
