I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize