A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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