I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I puked a lego.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was CRYING into my vagina
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
