So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
