Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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