Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
