Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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