I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
