her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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