Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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