Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize