Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
