Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
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