So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
