i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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