but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize