I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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