I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
