What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
