and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
