Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
