you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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