dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
