I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
