Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
