You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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