dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
