did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
