I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
its liver damage thursday
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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