3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
