cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
