Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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