I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize