I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
