exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
