I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
