This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
