as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
