I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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