got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
