Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
