Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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