My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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