i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
